Expectations and Disappointments/The Temple Ruins

Not too long ago, I bought an outfit I thought would be perfect. In the store, it looked great, and it felt great. The color was good for me, it was comfortable, and it was somewhat flattering, considering what I have to work with, so I thought this would be one of my favorite outfits. I was excited. The first time I wore it, I had only had it on for about an hour when I noticed that the pants were sagging in the same places I was sagging:  the knees, the rear, the tummy. I looked in the mirror and was horrified. I was so disappointed. Well, I returned the outfit to the store. I asked to exchange it for something else, which was a big step for me because I always envisioned the sales clerk smiling sweetly and saying to me,  “You were stupid enough to buy it. Do you think we are stupid enough to take it back?”  They did take it back, however, and I picked out something else, but I was much less enthusiastic about the possibilities this time because I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high and have them crushed again.

I have often looked in the mirror and thought, “This is not the body with which I started out and can prove it—I have pictures. I’ve been known to shop for new body parts when I’m out and about (Ahem) eating lunch. “Okay, I’ll take that woman’s rear, and that one’s waist, and that one’s legs.”  I look around at others who are also eating and find myself thinking one of two things: “Okay, I’m gaining weight just watching her eat, and she’s as thin as a rail. Unfair!” or, “Okay, I better stop now, because I’m already bigger than her!”

Sometimes being a woman seems like such a complicated life. Men don’t have a clue what we go through. My husband and I both like to watch people, but I have never heard him say, “I wish my stomach were as flat as that guy’s.”  And those few times when I have been careless enough to make such remarks to him, his response was an off-handed, “Well, why don’t you do some sit-ups?”  Sigh. He doesn’t get it. I don’t just want a flat stomach; I want a whole new body that comes with a lifetime guarantee. I always say that if I’d known I would live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. I thought my mom was old at 40, so I figured that when I was 50, my life would pretty much be over. Funny how your perspective changes.

Have you ever noticed how often real life fails to live up to our expectations? I’m a bit like Alice in Wonderland, who always gave herself good advice but rarely followed it. I’m always telling myself not to expect anything because if I do, I’m sure to be disappointed, but yet I continue, expecting. Always expecting. I had great expectations for the outfit I bought and was disappointed. I had great expectations that I would always have the body and the abilities I had at age 20, but I’ve been disappointed. I had great expectations that everything about my life would be fairytale perfect, but I’ve been disappointed. I always expected decorating my house for Christmas to be a “Wonderful Life” experience where the whole family is happy to be together, sipping cocoa and singing carols as we decorate the tree together. But each year, my husband would grumble about having to get all the decorations from storage, my kids would hang a couple of ornaments and ask to go play with friends, and I would be all alone, sipping cocoa, listening to carols on the radio and turning my house into a Christmas vision.

I’ve concluded that I probably never will stop having expectations about life, and I will likely suffer many more disappointments. But I have gotten smarter—trust me on this—I have learned something during all this up and down stuff. The question is not whether I will be disappointed (because I know I will), but what will be my response to that disappointment?

When my husband and I were first married, our communication was pretty much like this:  He talked; I didn’t. So, when he came home to find me crying, he’d say, “What’s wrong?”  and I’d say, “Nothing.” (sob, sob) It took a while for him to understand my meaning: “If you love me, I shouldn’t have to tell you what is wrong!”  The good news is that after 50 years together, when I’m crying for no apparent reason, he hugs me and says, “I’m sorry.” I finally realized that I might have a little better chance of not being disappointed if I at least made my expectations known to others. I’m a slow learner.

I’ve learned a lot about God through my times of expectations and disappointment. Kay Arthur says in her book, As Silver Refined, that our disappointments are “simply His Appointments if we exchange the “D” for an “H” and add a space.” Who understands disappointment better than God? After all, have humans ever done anything but disappoint God? Do you think God has wanted to give up on us and say, “I’m sorry I ever created them! I had such great expectations for these creatures that I made in my image.”  Yet he forgives us again and again. The Bible says He gave his Son to be tortured and killed to provide us an escape from eternal punishment. If God can forgive me and the many disappointments I’ve caused Him, He will give me the strength to forgive the many disappointments I suffer in my life. Sometimes it means forgiving other people who I feel have let me down; sometimes, it means forgiving myself for not measuring up, and sometimes I need to let go of wanting to make others fit into my plan for them. Or it may mean my life is out of focus, and I am not looking at things from God’s perspective.

The following verses from Chapter One of Haggai in the Old Testament speak to me about the futility of having my expectations met by the world. God is talking to the Jews about rebuilding the Temple after their enemies destroyed it: (The Message) Shortly after that, God said more and Haggai spoke it: “How is it that it’s the ‘right time’ for you to live in your fine new homes while the Home, God’s Temple, is in ruins?”

”

How does that relate, you ask? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; God bought you at a price.”

God’s Temple is now in me. Jesus Christ paid for that piece of real estate with His life. Is it right for me to be running around eating and drinking and shopping, trying to fulfill all my expectations of a happy life when God’s Temple is still in ruins? Is it right for me to wallow in self-pity when I am disappointed by people or things while I neglect the building of God’s Temple within me? God can fulfill my every desire in this life if He wants to. He can make me healthy, wealthy, and beautiful, with no cellulite. But God has some unfulfilled expectations of his own. He wants a place in my heart that is pure and holy and beautiful in which He can dwell here and now. That has to be the unrivaled priority in life—to build God’s Temple within me so He can work through me to build His Kingdom. I can choose to live my life in the ruins of unmet expectations and heart-wrenching disappointments. Or I can decide that no matter what happens in my life, my focus and energy will be used to build God’s Temple within me to be a source of comfort, wisdom, and true fulfillment. We know what God expects. Let’s not disappoint Him.

Sue Wilson          1971                                        2022